THE "HEAR YE, HEAR YE, HERE COMES PEACE!" MEMORANDUM
FROM: THE DESK OF THE SUPREME CHAIRMAN-FOR-LIFE
LOCATION: THE MAR-A-LAGO GLOBAL COMMAND & SPA
DATE: JANUARY 22, 2026
SUBJECT: My Heartfelt Plea to Your Fragile Sense of Self-Worth
To the Sovereign Leader of [Nation-I-Call-Dibbs-On-Sooner-Or-Later],
I’m writing to you today not because I need you because, let’s be very, very clear, I already have plenty of friends, the best friends, the kind of friends with massive wealth funds and very, very tall buildings. I’m writing to you because I’m rather concerned about you, especially your health.
I took a glimpse of you at Davos, and you’re looking a little off-color. Why did you keep checking your phone? Were you looking to see who else had joined my BoP that very second? Well, I can understand your peek-a-boo anxiety because my BoP is easily the hottest thing on the planet right now!
Why were you still rambling on about “Rules-Based Order” onstage? Dude, that is so 2024! Didn’t you know that the US invented that, and now that I am President of the United States—yet again—everything is getting a makeover? Just take a look at what I have done to the White House Rose Garden and State Ballroom. So spectacular.
But back to your health, I think you are suffering from geopolitical FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). Scratch that, I know for a fact you are! It’s evident to me too that you’re already in the advanced state of this disease. Lucky for you, I am here to help.
So, let’s discuss that which keeps you up at night—and looking so pale—shall we? Let’s talk about my Board of Peace and why it’s the perfect antidote for your physical and psychological malady.
I. The Luxury of Being Told What to Do
For how pale your skin is, the dark circles beneath your eyes tell me you have lost too much sleep trying to make decisions for your country. Guess what? When you join my BoP, the stress of making any decisions will dissipate into thin air because I handle the thinking for you! As the Chair of the Board, I am well equipped with the veto power—and the vision—to do all that strenuous stuff for you. As for you, you just come to the buffet table when my servant rings the dinner bell. I do require that you wear a nice suit. You heard what happened to Zelensky when he came dressed in army fatigues…
II. I’m Your Chairman-in-Perpetuity
That’s right! The Charter of my BoP has installed me as the Forever Boss! That means even after the 2028 election, should I decide to graciously give someone else a chance to be president, I’ll still be your boss! I know that must be such a relief to you because I understand your cravings for familiarity—that’s why you were still chanting “Rules-Based Order”—so I have decided to forgo my retirement to ensure that you will always have a boss in me. How’s that for consistency and dedication? I’ll forever remain the brand that you can trust, although down the line, I may swap MAGA for MTGF (Make Trump Great Forever), but rest assured it will still be me behind the new slogan!
III. Billion-Dollar VIP Wristband
Joining my BoP is already a distinction in itself, but if you want to dignify yourself even more, I have just the thing for you. For a token sum of USD 1b, I’ll welcome you into my inner circle. For the avoidance of doubt, it won’t be my innermost circle—that’s reserved for family and friends only—but still it will be a level up from the rest!
After all, what else would you spend USD 1b on? Between us, those who just purchased our weapon systems for a few of those notes have not realized this: by the time their purchase gets assembled and delivered down the road, Russia or China would have come up with something superior to neutralize those toys. But with this, you don’t need to worry, because I am the perpetual boss at the BoP, and no one will ever be more superior than me.
In fact, you will get to tell your voters that you are now a global player because you are a member—make it a VIP member—of Donald J. Trump’s BoP. How’s that? I’ll even let you take a photo with me when your elections come around so that you can post it on your Truth Social account to assure your voters of the invincible force behind you—me! My winning palms will even validate you with a handshake in the photo op.
IV. I Own the Crocodile
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. People have been warning you with that silly crocodile quote by Winston Churchill. Why are you even listening to a dead man? I’m alive, and I am strong, and I’m telling you that not only am I not the crocodile they alluded to, but I also own that damn crocodile!
If you join my BoP, not only will my crocodile spare you, but I will also let you have some fun in guessing who it will devour next. Won’t that be amusing? In time to come, I may even start another “inner-than-inner” tier that will let those members chime in on my crocodile’s next meal.
That being said, always keep in mind that I hold the ultimate veto. That tier will just be designed for the “inner-than-inner” folks to imagine their opinion is getting heard for a token sum of USD 2b. Feel free to call that democracy if you are still so hung up on the term—I’ll let you.
IV. The Participation Trophy Processing Center
Right now, I must say, you’re still hanging out in the “Waiting Room of History” with the losers. That look on your face, quite frankly, is not a good one for a head of state. You know what my BoP is going to do? It’s going to award contracts to those who understand the value of “pay-to-play.” You don’t need me to tell you Gaza is going to need beachfront condos, do you? And you don’t need me to tell you Ukraine is going to need everything from energy generation to digital infrastructure. Ka-ching!
Look, do you think those losers you are hanging out with at the water cooler are going to be getting those contracts? No, it’s the people who are busy wiring a billion dollars to me before the ink of this invitation to you is even dry. As for the losers, I’ll just be transforming their economies into gift shops for my loyal BoP members. Do you really want to stay in the “Poor House” with the losers? If not, what are you waiting for?
V. Your FOMO-Meter is Redlining
I know you’re checking the BoP Member List a few times a day. It’s an active list, I tell you. Argentina joined. Saudi Arabia too. And even Turkey. There are so many of them who are so desperate to come onboard that I can’t even keep up anymore.
Have you considered what will be left of you if you choose to be left out? You may end up among the few losers sitting at the big draft room in the UN, talking to representatives from countries that cannot even afford an airport. Sob.
Okay, okay, I hear your ambassadors. They are wondering if I will allow you to pay in installments. I’m sorry, but I prefer liquidity, so cash is king for me. Let’s keep it simple, yes? You pay, I play, and you stay.
VI. My Final Insult to Your Intelligence
Now, I’ve been talking to you very nicely so far. Before I go, I just want to give you one last chance. I know I have a solid reputation for being very fickle with deadlines, but if you don't join by the end of the month, I will make your neighbor, who has made the smart decision of coming onboard, the Peace Master for your region. Imagine having to ask him for permission to use your own airspace. Ouch.
So, I say, don’t let your ego destroy you and your country. You are nothing as a sovereign leader, but you are everything as my customer—as long as you pay your bill.
I am a very important person with a very busy schedule, so I will not be chasing you.
This is my last invitation.
Sign the damn paper. Send the damn billion. And quit being a loser.
With Sincerest Contempt for Your Hesitation,
DONALD J. TRUMP
Perpetual Chairman, The Board of Peace (BoP)
CEO of The-World-Belongs-To-Trump
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