I make toast
with peanut butter
for you
it’s important
there are many
things that are important
these days
the light
in this room
for one thing
for another
the fact that you’re
awake
that I’m in the kitchen
making you
a late breakfast
Digging
Digging
Digging
While they dig
Yes, while those cancer cells dig, chip
anchoring away
I eat the sun
It drips down my chin
While the dog barks
Yes, while the dog barks
You’re quiet
So, so quiet
Into the loathed
strangeness of cancer
They curl then dance, curl
and dance away into mitochondria
Into the strangeness
of tissues and organs
the groaning of the body
its atoms
all of its dimensions
Into the holistic awareness
of those cells
Daddy, I hope
these berries heal you
Take this
and accept this mug
of green tea
this offering,
this machine
My love is like
ginger and honey, these bees’ rage
will nourish you
The ginger
will behave
like ointment, honey a salve
a balm
I keep meeting
your gaze in maps
Drinking in the fear
and anguish in your eyes
You see, it matches my own.
It matches my own
The doorway becomes
a passage, nobody sees my tears.
And you, dad,
becomes a new creation
While the machine performs a scan
on you
I am frozen
You’re a sphere
A flat grassland
The back of my hand
Neverland
One day you’re never
Coming back to me
You won’t be walking
through the front door
The grief and longing here
how sweet you are
how faithful
Never leave daddy
Never leave me, my beloved
Strange bones
What strange love this is
A daughter’s love
To optimism and hope
For its appearance in my life
This is me remembering you
And for the memories
All the memories
That you will leave behind.
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